wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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