I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
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I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
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Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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