people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize