Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
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God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
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After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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