Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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