How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
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You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
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I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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