the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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