1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
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This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
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Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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