Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
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I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
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At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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