Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
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She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
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He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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