Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize