I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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