you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
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his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
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Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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