I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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