I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize