I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
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He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
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Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
there is glitter all over my balls
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