dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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