Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
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i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
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Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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