I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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