Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
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Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
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So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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