I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I wish I only lived at night.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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