my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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