I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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