Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
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I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
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Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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