these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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