if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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