Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
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Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize