was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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