another moral hangover. fuck.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize