life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
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