i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
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you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
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It's rum buckets o'clock
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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