A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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