he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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