i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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