dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
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His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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