He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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