dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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