I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
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Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
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It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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