i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think my vagina is haunted
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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