ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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