So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Only a mothe r could love this liver
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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