i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
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He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
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In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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