i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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