i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize