Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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