I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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