A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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