Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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