He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
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I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
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Let's have sex in an apple orchard
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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