I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
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Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
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okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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